Gmail Update 1

The fear of breast cancer started long ago for me. My mom was diagnosed at age 42 with breast cancer. I was in my third year of college and felt unable to live without my mom. I was 22 then and began to worry about myself as there was a strong family history preceding my mom. She survived through the treatment and is still here 18 years later.

So when I was diagnosed at age 39 I was devastated and shocked, but I think I always knew it was coming if not to me then my sister. Still, nothing prepares a person for news like that. I knew at once that the world as I knew it was forever altered, my body would be forever altered and I was scared.

I also knew immediately that I would need people around me to help me get through. Thank God for Gmail! I immediately started to journal this experience for practical reasons (I didn't want to repeat the story over and over to friends and family) and also to help myself talk my way through it and deal with the situation and emotions and not be bogged down by them.

The following is the first announcement to friends...I copied it from my saved Gmails. The subject for the emails was simply Update so this is Update1. I hope it will help others going through this realize they are not alone and that their emotions, whatever they are, are valid.

I am through breast cancer now. It's been a year since diagnosis. I've had a double mastectomy, reconstruction, chemotherapy, and then a hysterectomy as a precaution as I was BRCA positive and my chances of ovarian cancer were high. So I've lived breast cancer...I'm still living breast cancer even though it is officially gone. I want to post all the emails and will over time. Let me know what you think...

Gmail Update1

I don't know how else to say this other than to blurt it out, but I have breast cancer. I found the lump myself in November when I was just scratching my chest one day. It is very high up on the left side. It was really small and I wasn't sure it was anything at all but I went to the gyno. She couldn't even feel it I had to sit up and show her. She said she thought it was a calcium deposit and to lay off caffeine, but to get a mammogram to be sure.

We were in between insurance until January and since she was so confident I decided to wait 2 months until Jan to get it. I got the mammogram the first week in January and they still thought it was nothing but it wasn't fluid filled so they wanted to biopsy it. I called the surgeon who did my implants to remove it because I really trust him. He did it Monday and called me last night to tell me it was cancerous and I will go into him today to figure out what is next. I don't know how I feel. I was really upset but then kind of nothing. My doctor (Dr. M the plastic surgeon who did my implants in 2005) will find me a great oncologist and surgeon that he thinks is good and will be at the surgery to make sure it looks the best it can look no matter what has to be done. I'll keep you in the loop.